July 28, 2024

002

truth is

For me... the grooming ​process felt a lot like falling ​in love. My abuser was a ​master at weaving a love ​story. Flowers and poetry ​and star gazing. I was a 13 ​year old girl searching for ​love and attention. In short: ​i was an easy target.

It’s easy to blame the victim when they appear to be a willing ​participant. I know that I blamed myself for many many years. I ​still have moments. But, the truth is... I was 13 and my abuser ​was 26. Twice my age. She wore me down wiith rom-com worthy ​montages. A horse drawn sleigh in the snow and candle-lit ​evenings complete with promises of forever.

Not all abusers are the obvious kind of monsters.

This was not a dark alley and forced sex.

This was a calculated and patient manipulator.

This was the slow detoriation of my entire support system. Until ​the only person I trusted was her. This was the long game. This ​was convincing my parents (the people meant to keep me safe) ​that she was an ally and friend to be trusted.

@truthis.info/blog

Here’s the thing. The lies she told. She told them to everyone. ​To me she said “Soon as you turn 18. We will be together ​forever.” To the outsiide world she said I was just a silly kid with ​a crush. And, they believed her. There is so much more to the ​story. I wonder if I will ever be able to tell it all.


Honestly, the sexual assault wasn’t the worst of it. It was the ​years of mental, emotional, and physical abuse I endured. The ​wearing me down until I couldn’t have my own thoughts and ​feelings. It was how that “relationship” made it impossible for ​me to trust myself.

It feels weird to share these things ​now. But, I see so much ​misinformation in the news and our ​entertainment about abusers. My ​abuser was charming and ​charismatic. They don’t all wear ​their crazy on the outside. If they ​did, they wouldn’t be very ​successful in their pursuits.

Poetry turned into “I only almost ​killed you twice.”.


To anyone who needs to hear this, just because you loved ​your abuser, that does not make you complicit in the abuse. ​Their ability to manipulate and groom you is not your burden ​to carry. Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didnt ​know. The shame is theirs to bear.