July 28, 2024
002
truth is
For me... the grooming process felt a lot like falling in love. My abuser was a master at weaving a love story. Flowers and poetry and star gazing. I was a 13 year old girl searching for love and attention. In short: i was an easy target.
It’s easy to blame the victim when they appear to be a willing participant. I know that I blamed myself for many many years. I still have moments. But, the truth is... I was 13 and my abuser was 26. Twice my age. She wore me down wiith rom-com worthy montages. A horse drawn sleigh in the snow and candle-lit evenings complete with promises of forever.
Not all abusers are the obvious kind of monsters.
This was not a dark alley and forced sex.
This was a calculated and patient manipulator.
This was the slow detoriation of my entire support system. Until the only person I trusted was her. This was the long game. This was convincing my parents (the people meant to keep me safe) that she was an ally and friend to be trusted.
@truthis.info/blog
Here’s the thing. The lies she told. She told them to everyone. To me she said “Soon as you turn 18. We will be together forever.” To the outsiide world she said I was just a silly kid with a crush. And, they believed her. There is so much more to the story. I wonder if I will ever be able to tell it all.
Honestly, the sexual assault wasn’t the worst of it. It was the years of mental, emotional, and physical abuse I endured. The wearing me down until I couldn’t have my own thoughts and feelings. It was how that “relationship” made it impossible for me to trust myself.
It feels weird to share these things now. But, I see so much misinformation in the news and our entertainment about abusers. My abuser was charming and charismatic. They don’t all wear their crazy on the outside. If they did, they wouldn’t be very successful in their pursuits.
Poetry turned into “I only almost killed you twice.”.
To anyone who needs to hear this, just because you loved your abuser, that does not make you complicit in the abuse. Their ability to manipulate and groom you is not your burden to carry. Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didnt know. The shame is theirs to bear.